Today I was told that I have handled this petty divorce thing well. It wasn't the first time I have heard this statement. So I had to wonder, "Is this true? Have I?" See to me, I haven't. Believe me, I have had my fits. Most of them the Fucktard got to see. What a waste of a good fit huh? Some fits I have had here in my little apartment. Which I love by the way.
What makes someone handle a divorce well? Is it because I immediately got up, dusted myself off and kept going? Is it because I didn't become a puddle of my tears? Or is because I didn't go all bat shit crazy and shoot a bitch? Just kidding....I would never shoot a person! Bat shit crazy? Yeah I can do that.
Honestly, most of the reason I guess people say I am doing so well is because one, I totally trust God in this. I honestly know in my heart that I did nothing to deserve this type of pain. I did not ruin my marriage. I did not push him away. I trust that God sees that too and has something so much greater planned for me. The only way for me to get that was to have the Fucktard leave. I think the second reason for the look of doing so well is because I have the best family and friends a girl could ask for. Without their daily support of me I would never have been able to survive this. Trust me when I say it is the worst pain ever. Y'all....I thought surely that much pain was going to kill me. Without my family and friends to be there to witness that pain and help me through it, I would not be here today.
So, yes I guess I am "doing well" but believe me when I say that I still hurt. I'm still very angry (as the fairy tale from previous posts show). But I refuse to allow this to make me cold. I will not let it harden my heart. I trust God will eventually take away this anger and pain, but I still have a long road ahead of me.
Oh...and one more time.....
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