Sorry...I ain't sorry

Oh yeah that's right!  I started out this blog with the fingers.  The Fuck you, I ain't sorry for shit middle fingers.  I have been listening to Beyonce's Lemonade Album and it is empowering!  I have no ideas if the rumors are true or not...but she knows exactly how a victim of a cheater feels!

I am going through a little anger issue right now.  Mainly for a friend, but it is bringing up some past feelings.  I have been having some anger creep up about the divorce.  Is it the devil trying to get me angry over things that I can not change, do not want to change?  Or is it God trying to tell me I haven't finished grieving?  Is this normal?  Do others who have gone through this have such strong empathy towards others going through this that it makes you really, really angry?

Truly right now, things are good.  Better than they have been. I got a cat.  She is kickass and I adore her!  I am loving where I live.  This area!  Ahmazing! And  I've met someone.  He's amazing.  He doesn't know it, but he has shown me that guys can be good.  It's been too long since I've thought that.  So why angry?

But my anger is more this time.  Now it's about the feeling of being replaced.  It's about losing my best friends.  The two guys I adored.  It's about losing my family.  My nieces, my nephew.  She now has them.  That hurts more now.  I know that I turned away too, but I had to.  My heart couldn't take it.  Maybe I haven't really spent time to grieve my losses.  Maybe that's why I am mad now.

These lyrics....from Sorry, a song from Beyonce's Lemonade.  These are just a few.  The ones that stand out to me,

Middle fingers up, put them hands high
Wave it in his face, tell him, boy, bye
Tell him, boy, bye, middle fingers up
I ain't thinking 'bout you

Sorry, I ain't sorry
Sorry, I ain't sorry
I ain't sorry, nigga, nah
I ain't thinking 'bout you
Sorry, I ain't sorry
Sorry, I ain't sorry
No no, hell nah

Looking at my watch, he shoulda been home
Today I regret the night I put that ring on
He always got them fucking excuses
I pray to the Lord you reveal what his truth is
I left a note in the hallway
By the time you read it, I'll be far away
I'm far away

These lyrics....I think these are what I wanted to say to Fucktard and his boy friend.  I wish I could say them.  Some closure.  Angry closure.  But closure.