Lonesome Cold Pizza

My dinner this evening consisted of cold pizza, guacamole and chips and fruit punch.  As I was preparing this scrumptious dish, I thought to myself, "I am really alone."  Not in a sad way, but in a "say it loud" kind of way.  I had spent the last 10 1/2 years with someone.  Living with someone, being around someone, sleeping with someone, talking with someone.  I had to work around someone else's every move and mood.  I thought of this lonesomeness tonight when I looked at my dinner.  I was eating whatever I wanted.  I didn't have to come home and cook a meal that I wasn't that fond of, but knew is was something someone else liked.  I didn't have to clean up the whole kitchen after cooking a meal I didn't enjoy because it was just my meal.  I was okay with being alone tonight.

Me eating dinner tonight.  Yummers!

I guess I didn't realize how much I actually did as a wife.  I cooked, cleaned, mowed the lawn, fed the cat, laundry all while having a full time job (and at one time a part time job and full time job).  Now I find myself only doing the things I want to.  And...it...is...freeing.  Maybe I was more controlled than  I thought.  Maybe this is just another stage to go through.  I'm not sure.  But I'm okay with it.  I am comfortable with it.  I feel empowered by it.

Don't get me wrong...I do want to marry again.  I really did enjoy being a wife.  Not all the domestic things really, but the supportive things.  I was a cheerleader.  I supported him in all his actions and decisions.  I enjoyed helping him and taking care of him.  I was proud of him.  I know God hears our desires.  He knows what we want in life....but we have to remember that what He wants for us is way more than just what we want.  What He has planned for us is way bigger and better than anything we could come up with.

I am on this ride...you are riding along with me.  I hope it is getting good!