Obstacles

So this weekend, I did not go to Winstar.  Instead I did a mud run.  Yes people....I ran in the mud.  There were about 20 obstacles during this run that I had to attempt as well.  I attempted all but 4.  I finished the race, got a medal, and was covered in mud.

What did I learn from this dirty run you might say?  Well...that I can do what I put my fucking mind to!  This was not an easy run.  I did very little running really because the terrain was very rough.  The first obstacle to get through was a pit of mud that was capturing people's shoes only then to go up a muddy, steep hill.  I am not good at going up hills let along a muddy one.  So, I went to the side and used every bush, tree, sunflower to haul my ass up it.  After that, I found another poor soul, who like me, almost died up that hill and decided walking would be best.  Her name is Emma and she was my cheer leader!

We continued this journey together, and I try to do every obstacle except one.  One I knew I couldn't do.  Three, I really tried, but it just wasn't going to happen.  The first one was a vertical wall that had one step to get up on and then you had to jump up and haul your ass over it.  I could not haul my ass over it.  The 2nd was a tower of tires you had to climb up and over.  I could not lift myself up to get to the top, so nope on this one.  Third one was another muddy hill....I could not get up it.  Either someone was going to have to push my ass up it, or I was just going to trek through the water to the other side.  I chose that.  The 4th, neither Emma nor I attempted.  It was a concrete wall with no rope you had to get up.  We both were out on that one.

But...I did complete some really hard ones though!  I climbed ropes....high ropes!  I am terrified of heights so this was huge for me!  I climbed large ladders, I went up walls and hills with ropes and over them, I did monkey bars, I did army crawls in mud (2 of them!), I went through tunnels on my belly and hauled tires and sand bags through rough terrain. And of course....I went through tons of mud!  I was a muddy mess!  At one point I had a twig sticking out of my wrist...it is still swollen!  I am bruised and banged up.  And I loved it!  It really helped me gain some perspective about myself physically and mentally.

I am comparing this race to my life right now.  I have come so far in this journey that I am able to do things I never imagined I would be able to do!  Live by myself, speak up for myself when I am angry, go on dates, pay off bills, be alone.  There are some obstacles that I am not quite ready to take on yet.  I don't have the strength to do them quite yet.  But I will soon.  I just need to keep praying and talking and getting this shit out.  I still have quite a bit of healing to do before I can do some obstacles...but I know I will be there eventually.  The physical obstacles in the race that I didn't do didn't scare me...I just wasn't ready physically to do them.  I just need to be stronger, thinner.  The obstacles that I have now don't scare me....I'm just not healed enough to face them yet.  But I will get there.

So thank you Cyndi for getting my ass there to that race.  Thank you Bri for being to there to cheer me on.  Thank you Emma for staying with me during this race and becoming a new friend.  I am ready to try it again next year and see how much further I have come!!!